Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
