im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
