And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize