like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
