How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
