Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
