I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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