I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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