Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
