The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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