Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
