where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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