I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
