I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
