Your face is a jimmy john
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize