I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
