nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
