if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
