i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
