Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
