You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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