dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
