she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
