I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
