First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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