I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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