i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
