you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
