brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
