I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
