tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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