We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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