yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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