i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
