He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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