i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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