so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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