Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
