I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
