Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
