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Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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