No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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