How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize