mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
