He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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