i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
