eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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