I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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