TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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