i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
