there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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