We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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