Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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