There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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