Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
