Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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