So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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