I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
