I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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