turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
