The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
