i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this will be a night to untag.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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