I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
