My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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