Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
