Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were destined to go to rehab together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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