Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
