There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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