me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
