this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
