I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
