Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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